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“I've Learned That People Will Forget What You Said, People Will Forget What You Did, but People Will Never Forget How You Made Them Feel”

What To Do When You Are Angry

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Dedicate to my friends that was not in a good emotion.

There's nothing wrong with being angry. We all feel anger toward someone else at some time. But anger can make us hard to live with. It also can make us less productive at work. You can express your angry feelings constructively, your anger will go away more quickly. And you can more easily solve the conflict that made you angry in the first place. Anger is one of those feelings that many of us just don't know what to do with. Most of us grew up receiving strange messages about anger from our parents: If you're angry, you shouldn't show it... If you're angry, it makes you say things you don't mean... If you're angry, it's okay to break things... etc. No wonder we're confused and frightened by this misunderstood emotion.

Here are some things you should try to do when you're angry:

  • Analyze the threat you feel. We usually get angry because we feel threatened in some way. What is it about the situation that threatens you? If you understand what you fear, you'll be able to communicate your anger more clearly. (mcm mane nk analyze? Hurm...)
  • Separate the person from the action that made you angry. Remember that the source of your anger isn't the person, but something the person did that made you feel threatened. (jgn bunuh pulak org tu...)
  • Calm down. Getting all huffy or outraged doesn't solve the problem.(makan aiskrim bleh calm down kot...)
  • Communicate your feelings. Sometimes the person may not know how you feel. Use "I" statements to talk about your feelings. For example, "I get upset when you are late for dinner and don't call. I get worried and scared that something happened to you." (kalo x jalan jugak, pkai je "engkau" or "aku"...)
  • Be reasonable. Focus only on the event that triggered your present anger. Don't drag up a list of past actions that made you angry. Don't blame the other person for things he or she isn't responsible for. (jgn lepas kan geram kt orang len...kalo nk jugak, bg je penampar sekali..)
  • Be brief. Don't spend more than a few words describing your angry feelings. Then give the other person a chance to respond. (jika perlu kot...)
  • Listen to the response. When it comes to feelings, no one is wrong. The other person may also have feelings he or she needs to express. Listen without blaming or being defensive. (kalo orang tu salah, blame je die...)
  • Look for a creative solution. Try to find a way to deal with the situation so that everyone wins. Brainstorm the possible solutions to the conflict and compromise to make both of you feel better. (kene fikir secara kritis dan kreatif...)
  • Forgive and forget. Forgiving helps you let go of your anger. And forgiveness makes it easier to handle similar situations in the future. Holding a grudge isn't helpful and most often ends up hurting and poisoning the soul. (kalo memang die yg salah, nape nk maaf kan...)
  • Acknowledge, at least to yourself, that you are angry. Pretending you aren't doesn't fool anyone! (errmmm...)
  • Take responsibility for your feelings: Use "I" statements. It's no one's fault that you've lost your cool. (msti lah kne responsible...)
  • Find an appropriate physical outlet, such as running or doing pushups. Let off some physical steam so you're not tempted to do it the wrong way. (pergi jinggo ke or karok ke...)
  • Wait till you've cooled down before having important conversations. Anger's "Siamese twin" is regret. (kalo x semua org pn kene marah...)
  • Ask for what you want, specifically (e.g., I would like a full refund). Anger is fueled by feelings of powerlessness. (itu sudah pasti...)
  • If it helps, express your feelings in writing. You can say whatever you like on paper; the paper won't mind. Just don't decide to send it until you're no longer angry. You'll make a better decision with a clear head. (de orang tu tulis dalam blog supaye semua org bleh baca & tau yg die tgh marah...)
  • Use assertiveness skills to stand up for yourself. If you employ these before you get angry, they can keep you from going there. (camne tah... xpasti lak...)

And here are the don'ts:

  • Don't expect others to respond well. People are often terrified of even healthy expressions of anger. (kne berfikiran positif skit...)
  • Don't use aggression or violence to express yourself. It's never okay to get physical. (kalo nk buat, buat kt harta bende sendri...)
  • Don't resort to name-calling or insults. Your relationships will suffer. (panggil je...hanjing ke, ape2 laa...)
  • Don't assume that your feelings are someone else's fault. If I react in anger to something you've said, that has more to do with ME than you. It's MY reaction to your words that's causing my experience. Therefore it's not accurate for me to lay that on you. (tp kalo nk assume, bleh je...)
  • Don't drive a vehicle before you've calmed down. Anger can make you aggressive and impulsive behind the wheel. Something could happen that you'll regret for the rest of your life. (baru lah seronok beb memandu smbil marah... confirm cepat sampai...)
  • Don't try to suppress or ignore your anger indefinitely. It won't go away if you try to ignore it. Once it's been triggered, there's no way out but through. (bleh je cube ignore sekali sekala...)
  • Don't take any action you might regret later. This is a real danger when you're experiencing a strong emotion of any kind. Wait till the worst has passed - and it always does - before making important decisions. (ingat Tuhan beb... dan jgn menyusahkan orang len...)
  • Kalo xberjaye.... maki je mereka, bg la 2-3 bakul makian serentak....